With this post we’ve reached a milestone on Health, Wealth, Power. By my count, this is post number 50. So far, readership has been going up steadily and that has been very exciting. To those of you who have been coming here for a while, I’m glad to have you along on this journey. To anyone who has started reading more recently, welcome. Today I want to highlight both some of my most viewed posts and some of my favorites that haven’t been seen as much – in many cases because I posted them before many people were reading the blog at all. Thank you to everyone for reading and here’s to the next 50 posts (and many more) to come!
A window into my raw thought process on a recent night when
I got some seemingly devastating news about my career. I wrote this almost
immediately when I got home so I would have a good record of my immediate
reaction to look back at later. I’m still in the midst of dealing with this
situation but I have a very exciting recent development that I’ll be sharing
This is one of my personal favorite posts so far. It is a
nostalgic look at the way the most difficult event of my life so far has
spawned so many wonderful changes. While I and my life will never be quite the
same as before it happened again, that is mostly a good thing.
Health and fitness is a topic that’s near and dear to my
heart. Medical science is keeping people alive longer and longer today. But
what is it worth? My argument is that we’ve long since passed the point where
quality is much more important (and elusive in many cases) than quantity. This
post is my attempt to lay out the basics for anyone who feels similarly and
wants to do something about it.
I’ve written a number of posts on this theme now – the value
of finding the positives in situations that don’t seem very positive at face
value. But this was one of the first. As someone who has put a ton of work into
thinking more positively and seen firsthand how dramatically that mentality
shift can change life in often unexpected ways, it is very important to me to
share my experiences in this area.
I wrote this post for people who struggle with depression or
have in the past. It’s not comprehensive and I’m no mental health professional,
but it’s a discussion of some tactics and information that have helped me in
the past when the weight of the world seemed to be crushing me with no sign of
relief. If it helps one person, it was worth far more than the time it took to
I’m trying to be less of a bastard in life. But I do tend to
temporarily suspend that effort when it comes to fighting back against what I
view as unethical tactics. In this post, I illustrate how I’ve been mostly
successful at keeping the shenanigans of those damn ISPs from succeeding in
robbing me blind.
Simply put, the methods I described in this post have saved
me five figures by this point in my life. One of the many benefits of living in
the richest country in the history of the world, particularly at a time when
technological advancement has been unprecedented as well, is that extremely
marginal compromises can result in enormous savings. There is an almost constant
chorus in the media about the retirement crisis in the United States. That
means that for most of us, there is no excuse for not taking advantage of
opportunities like this to get so much in return for so little.
I was working on a very different post for today but that
one is going to have to wait since something else has grabbed hold of my
attention. This is going to get into the “way too personal” category but since
this blog has turned into a sort of journal for me, since I’ve intentionally
maintained a high degree of anonymity so I can post things of this nature if I
want to, and since I hope that this post might be valuable to someone out there,
I’m going to write it. I am writing this in real time; I found out the news I’m
about to share with you less than four hours ago. So I’m writing it without the
benefit of “sleeping on it” and I decided to do it because I want to preserve
the moment as authentically as possible.
It would appear my employer is heading into troubled waters.
I certainly am, in any case. My boss visits everyone in the field periodically
and this week was my turn. But while it is usually a fun and enjoyable
experience, this time he had to do something that I’m sure was very difficult
for him. Tonight he told me I’m effectively on notice and that barring a
dramatic performance improvement over the next few months that is unlikely if
not impossible, I’m going to have to find something else to do with my time. Furthermore,
this same message is being delivered to most of us, save the top handful of
performers. So either he was trying to cushion the blow with that last part (I’ll
find out soon enough) or this is a lot bigger than just me. I believe he is a
man of integrity and I have no reason to doubt him but it really doesn’t make a
lot of difference either way.
My performance has actually been very good for quite a while
in some ways and I’m very proud of the way I have grown, both as a salesman and
as a person, and how I have succeeded many times against very difficult odds. I
have shortcomings and limitations like anyone else, however, and the bar is
being moved above what I believe is possible when all circumstances are
factored in. I have no ill will towards anyone. My boss didn’t make this
decision and delivering the news couldn’t have been easy, especially if he
knows he has to do it several more times over the coming weeks. He has always
been a decent man in my experience and that is far more important than anything
else in my book. His boss probably didn’t make this decision either and even if
he did, I have nothing but respect for him and appreciation for everything he
has done for me over the years. His boss probably did make the decision. But
while I have only met him very briefly, I’m sure something like that wouldn’t
be easy for him either and even if it was, he did it because he has a boss to
answer to as well – in his case, the investors who collectively own the
company. At the end of the day, almost everything in business boils down to
economics and it appears either revenue needs to increase or expenses need to
decrease. We salesmen live and die by that reality. And regardless of growth,
positive aspects of my performance, or any other factors, I have not done
enough to remain viable under current conditions. Many, many people who work in
sales will face this day and today is my turn.
I have struggled with negative thinking all my life but I
want to promise myself and the world, here and now, that I’m going to ace this
test that has been put in front of me. And I don’t make promises I have any
reason to doubt I can and will keep. My first thoughts after I got the news
gave me that confidence. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude – for the incredibly
lucrative run I’ve had with this company, for the personal and career growth
the opportunity has resulted in, for the many good people and the handful of truly
amazing people I’ve met that I hope to keep as beloved friends, for the fact
that I run my finances ultra-conservatively and thus am in an excellent
position to withstand any loss of income, for having a solid resume with a
great school and solid experience on it, for being given notice and a fairly
specific timeline, and on and on. My response to my boss was along these same
lines. Of course I’m going to do my best to raise my performance to the new
standard. But he and I both know the odds of me (or several other people)
getting there are remote. The reality is that his job may not last much longer
than mine and in fact, that could even be true of everyone in the organization
on a relatively short timeline. At least I’ve been given some sort of chance to
both try to change the situation and prepare for it in the event that my
efforts to do so come up short.
My subsequent thoughts were also all really good ones. I
remembered the proverb about the Chinese farmer, which is one of my favorite
concepts of all time. If I were a tattoo man (I’m not), and there were some single
artistic concept that could remind me of the parable, that is probably the
tattoo I would get. I don’t know the source but I believe its origins date back
plenty far enough to put it in the public domain so I will put it at the bottom
of this post for anyone who hasn’t read it. It has gotten me through some
difficult days and inspired me on some good ones. I thought about all the
things I can go out and do to try to shoot the moon or at least keep my job as
long as possible. I thought about some of the many well-connected people I can
reach out to in an effort to find a new job. I thought about how lucky I am in
so many ways: no dependents, enough cash on hand to live with no income for
well over a year, enough overall wealth to do so for close to a decade, having
been born in the richest country on earth at the most prosperous time in its history
to date, and on and on. I thought about how I took a very hard hit (a fairly
sudden divorce from a woman I loved with all my heart) in 2016 and how three
years later, my life is better in many ways than it was before that happened. I
thought about how thankful I am to have my closest confidant; then I called her
and told her the news and thanked her in as many ways as I could think of for
the wonderful impact she has had, and continues to have in my life. I thought
of what an unlikely closest confidant she is and how I met her near the depths
of despair. You just never know when something awful might turn into something
This is just another opportunity dressed in ugly clothes. It’s an opportunity to prove I’m the man I aspire to be against the backdrop of difficult circumstances. It’s an opportunity to use those same circumstances to grow stronger than I am now. Nothing does it like adversity. I truly believe that. Hell, this is an opportunity to upgrade. In a few months or a year, I could look back on this as a day that forced me to turn away from something good and towards something even better.
Undoubtedly, there are tough days ahead. There will be
rejections – just like every other day, except that I myself will also be
getting rejected as I pursue other opportunities. There will be moments of
weakness and I will have to fight through my nemesis, depression, for hours,
days, or longer. Anxiety will probably be in the mix as well. I could even
experience one of my greatest fears – being fired and having no employment
income for some period of time (even that is something to be thankful for; how
many people on earth face realities infinitely worse than that every day?). But
I can’t afford to let any of it beat me. This is a crucial time and I need to
be at my absolute best. I’m going into a storm, like it or not. I can either
cower in fear and drown, or I can embrace the challenge and fight. Fear is ok
and in fact, it is only natural. Failure is neither. Who we are is determined
by what we do every single day. But some days are a little more important than
others. I’m going to go get that sleep now. After all, tomorrow is a big day.
The Parable of the Chinese Farmer
A wise man once told me that back in the day, there was a Chinese
farmer who lived with his son. He was very poor and only had one horse that he
used to plough the fields. The Farmer was elderly and relied on his son and the
horse to do all the work on his farm.
One day his son left the gate to the horse’s pen open and the
horse escaped. The Farmer kept sending his son out to find the horse but it was
nowhere to be found.
When the Farmer’s friends and neighbors found out they came round
to commiserate with him and told him how unlucky he was. The Farmer replied
After many days of searching, the Farmer’s son found the horse. It
was grazing with a group of other horses. When the Farmer’s son returned with
the horse, its new friends followed. And when he closed the gate, there were
seven horses in the pen.
The Farmer’s friends were delighted and all visited to celebrate,
telling the Farmer how lucky he was. The Farmer replied “Maybe”.
The son set about breaking in the horses so they could be sold at
market as tame rather than wild. When he was working with the last animal, he
fell off and broke his leg. Again the Farmer’s friends and neighbors visited to
commiserate and told him how unlucky he was. The Farmer replied “Maybe”.
The very next day, the Chinese army passed nearby. They were on
the way to a huge battle with the Mongols and arrived at the Farmer’s house
saying they had heard there was a young man there and he must come with them to
fight. The Farmer showed them in so they could see that the son had a broken
leg. They left without him.
Again the Farmer’s friends and neighbors arrived delighted and told the Farmer how lucky he was. The Farmer replied “Maybe…”
Howdy folks! I just got back from a couple days on the road and I’m exhausted. But I wanted to write a quick post about something I wish I had handled better today. I ran into a setback. I didn’t do anything wrong to cause it and no one else did either. It was simply bad luck and it will wind up costing me around $300 when the dust settles. The nature of the setback isn’t important and that’s not what this post is about. Instead, I want to discuss my reaction to the setback and why outlook is so important.
I didn’t have an easy childhood. While we didn’t live in poverty or anywhere close, we were squarely in the lower middle class category, with emphasis on the lower part. Money was a dirty word as far as I was concerned – a word that usually meant I couldn’t have something I wanted. At the time, it felt like a terrible burden. Today, I look back and see how lucky I was. I learned that if you want something, you have to work for it. And I learned that if you have something, you had better not waste it. I’m sure those harsh, but invaluable lessons have played a huge role in allowing me to get to where I am today. A lot of kids who seemed luckier than me at the time missed out on these lessons until later in life and if the statistics have anything to say about it, it cost many of them dearly.
But my successful mindset isn’t without its costs. And today’s situation was a great example. When I realized I was going to lose $300 and there was no way around it, I was furious. As I mentioned, there really wasn’t anyone at fault for what happened, so I automatically directed my rage at the same person who usually gets it – myself. For about an hour, I was in a terrible state. And unsurprisingly, Houston’s trademark rush hour traffic didn’t help. Luckily, business hours were over, or my rotten mood could have destroyed a deal and cost me significantly more money. But a bad attitude can cost so much more than that. If you allow that kind of darkness a regular place in your life, it can cost you relationships or even your health. It certainly contributed to the failure of my marriage and there is plenty of time left for it to do the latter in my case as well. And yet, even after having paid so much, I still don’t have this under control.
But there is still hope for me. After brooding for a while
and cursing the traffic a little more than usual, I was able to use perspective
to get beyond it. $300 would be a real problem for many people. It might mean
having to choose between paying one bill or another in many cases. This could
start a downward spiral that could be difficult to pull out of. But for me,
this is an afterthought. Hell, I’m so fortunate in life that $3000 would be a
minor setback and nothing more. I save/invest more than that every single
But in my head, I’m on a treadmill 24/7/365. In front of me is the financial independence I want. Behind me is the scarcity of my childhood. In reality, it would take a serious sequence of mishaps for me to go off the back of the treadmill. It’s certainly not an impossibility but at this point, it’s unlikely at best. Claiming financial independence, on the other hand, will happen in the next three to five years, or ten at the absolute most, barring any catastrophic setbacks. And I’m much closer to thirty than to forty and only started making significant financial progress in my late twenties. So I should really just throw the treadmill in the garbage and focus on enjoying the moments of my life while making sure I stay on track with the big picture stuff behind the scenes.
For tonight, at least, the demon has been slain. I am calm
and back to being thankful for how well my life is going. But even for someone
as fortunate as I am, this can be very difficult. And it will undoubtedly be
difficult again. However, it is important to look at this in a balanced way.
There was a time when I could have gone into a tailspin of depression, anxiety,
and anger over something like what happened today. But this time it only cost
me an hour of misery. I will never fully escape my past or my tendency to
occasionally let emotion cast a dark cloud over my actually sunny reality. But I
can work at it and improve. In time, maybe I’ll get to the point of avoiding
the negativity altogether.
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you may be aware that I sprained my ankle and wound up on crutches a while back. I’m happy to report that last week, I was able to start walking without the crutches and for the last few days, I’ve been walking with no limp at all and have resumed my regular workout schedule – albeit carefully! I am very happy and excited to get back to full throttle in the gym and all other areas of my life very soon.
Over the years, I’ve been through a lot of these situations
but I haven’t always handled them very well. This time, my attitude was much
better than ever before and it really helped. For one thing, it made the whole
experience feel like much less of an inconvenience. But also, while I certainly
can’t prove this, may even have helped to speed up my healing process. This was
a serious ankle sprain; we’re talking about a joint being in the wrong position
when it hit the floor, going much further in that direction, and causing immediate
and fairly severe pain. I was on crutches over a month as a result of a
previous sprain of similar severity. The mind can be incredibly powerful and
this has been documented plenty of times in medical contexts. In this case, I
believe that by having mine in a good, healthy state, I put it to work on
healing my ankle faster.
Whether or not that is true, the whole episode has been a
great reminder for me. Each and every one of us has so much to be thankful for
in life. It can be very easy to focus on negative things that appear more significant
in the moment and ignore the positives. Believe me, I have spent far too much
of my life looking at things that way. But when you lose something fundamental –
like the ability to walk – you suddenly realize the fallacy in this. Or at
least I do. There are plenty of people who would give almost anything just to
be able to walk ever again. Temporarily experiencing a taste of their reality for
myself gave me a valuable dose of perspective. Every morning, when I got out of
bed and realized I would need the crutches to progress any further, I got a
fresh reminder. Thankfully, this condition didn’t last long enough for it to
stop surprising me when I woke up!
Of course this experience will fade to some deep, dark corner of my memory bank before too long. But this time around, my goal is to slow down that process. Remember my challenge from a few posts ago? It would make it much easier to get started and to excel at it if the threshold were as low as being thankful to be able to walk, run, jump, work out, etc. And why not set it that low? Gratitude can enrich anyone’s life to an almost infinite degree and if you can get the ball rolling, even just a little bit, you’re moving in the right direction. It doesn’t matter how you do it.
This is where I have to call myself out. As disappointing as
it is, I’ve allowed myself to get bogged down with some frustrations in my work
over the last week or so. I’m doing all I can to improve the realities of these
few situations and while I wait for my efforts to hopefully produce results,
writing this post is helping me to refocus on what’s most important. Writing
this blog often does, which is a big part of why I enjoy doing it. And to keep
that going, I’m going to lay out a new challenge for myself and for anyone who
would like to join me.
The next time I get frustrated with a situation, I’m going
to look at it as an opportunity to improve myself – because that is exactly
what any problem is. My goal is to avoid reacting rashly and instead, to think
about the situation logically – starting with taking responsibility, which is
so crucial. What actions of mine led me here? What could I have done
differently? What can I do now that is likely to make things better? Once I
have a game plan for both current and future improvement, I can focus on
executing it. This process will be much more effective than letting emotions
take over and complaining about it. Of course, like so many worthwhile things
in life, this is a simple concept that will be difficult to implement. I’m
going to try my best to be up to the challenge – whenever I do get my next opportunity.
Hopefully you will as well if you choose to do this with me!
It is no secret among those who know me that I have struggled with depression for most of my life. While it seems counterintuitive, there does appear to be a strong correlation between the prevalence of this problem and the unprecedented and continuing economic success our country has enjoyed. So if you struggle with it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Most of us do, at least some of the time, and our circumstances in life really don’t seem to have a significant effect on that. As difficult as depression symptoms are to deal with, the sheer persistence of the disease in the face of long term, consistent efforts to eradicate it, has been the most frustrating aspect for me.
However, there is plenty to be hopeful about. Several months
ago, I started making a more focused effort than ever to get my depression
under control. First I had to accept, once and for all, that depression is a
part of me and probably always will be. Acceptance is so important! As I
understand it, suffering isn’t a direct result of circumstances, but rather,
the result of the difference between those circumstances and one’s expectations.
So in other words, anyone can be unhappy if he isn’t willing to accept reality.
This is a large part of the explanation for miserable billionaires and happy
people who don’t know where their next meals are coming from.
Accepting the reality that I will always have depression to contend
with was a huge help. The next big step was taking responsibility for my own
mental health. Too often in my life I’ve leaned on mental health professionals,
thinking that if I invested enough time and money, I would have to see results.
But just like with anything else, that isn’t enough. Simply going through the
motions didn’t work for me. I wasted thousands of dollars in copays and
hundreds of hours because I went in with the wrong mindset. The correct
mindset, as in any situation, is to take responsibility – not for making the
investment, but for attaining the RESULTS. When I finally did that around the
middle of last year, I naturally started putting in the focused work that was
necessary and everything changed.
What were my tactics? For one thing, I started reading with
the specific purpose of defeating depression. Some of the books that really
helped me include: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey,
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz,
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns, Self-Compassion: The Power
of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for
Living a Better Life by Eric Greitens, Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALS
Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, and Mind Over Mood: Change How
You Feel By Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger, Christine
Padesky, and Aaron Beck. But beyond just reading, I started actively working on
changing my thought process. There are hundreds of very worthwhile exercises
and things to think about in just the books I listed and I highly recommend
working through them all to find the ones that help you.
But reading books takes time. Today I want to challenge you
to start with one simple, but incredibly powerful concept: gratitude. This isn’t
the first time I’ve mentioned it in this young blog and that is no accident.
Why is it so important? If you can change the way you think and start looking
for positives instead of negatives, a few things will happen. Biologically, you
will literally change your physical brain as you force it to work in different
ways. That means that thinking positively will become easier with practice just
like lifting weights does as your muscles get stronger. You will likely notice
that your happiness level increases fairly quickly. But maybe the most exciting
thing that will happen when you make it a priority to be thankful for the good
things in your life is that you will get more of them. That’s right; changing
the way you think will literally change your circumstances in life.
This isn’t some silly gimmick or pseudo-science. I’m not
talking about thinking about things you want and the universe magically
manifesting them for you. What I’m talking about is real. How does it work?
When you start focusing on positive things in your life and being thankful for
them, you will start to see more of them. This is human nature; you tend to
find what you’re looking for and miss a lot of what you aren’t. When you start
seeing more positive things, you start feeling better. When that happens, you start
acting differently. You make an extra sales call. You meet a smoking hot girl
and ask her out on the spot. Or maybe you just simply hold the door for
someone. When you change your actions, your results start to change. Each of
the examples I just listed can lead to something good happening for you and if
you make enough changes like them, they certainly will. The first step to
success is simply showing up and doing something. Success has a way of
snowballing really quickly so literally all you have to do is start the process
and ride the momentum from there and things will improve.
So how am I going to challenge you today? I want you to
focus on making gratitude a part of your life. Immediately. In order for this
to be as effective as possible, it needs to be obnoxious. Start keeping a notebook
around or taking notes in your phone or whatever works for you. Every hour you’re
awake, write down something you’re thankful for. Every single hour. I guarantee
you can think of something. It can be as big as getting a promotion at work or
as small as a conversation you had that you enjoyed. Still can’t find
something? I bet you aren’t dying of cancer right now. I’ll bet even more that
a tsunami didn’t just destroy your house and all your belongings. Try not to
lean on the “it could always be worse” crutch too often but you can use it when
you have to.
At the end of each day, review your list and pick out your
favorites. Think about them as you lay in bed and go to sleep. There is no
better way to start a night of restful sleep. Look back over previous days’
lists whenever you’re starting to feel down and remind yourself of some of the
blessings in your life until the mood passes.
This exercise isn’t going to cure anyone’s depression. Much
like alcoholism, I am not sure there is a cure. I think you just have to
acknowledge that it exists and commit to fighting it every day. Do my gratitude
challenge for a week or two and see how you feel. See if it is easier to come
up with an item to add to the list than it was when you started. You are already
going to notice progress and that is a money back guarantee! Obviously this
doesn’t end your war. But it puts one battle in the win column. Next, pick out
something else to try. Remember, big victories are made up of many little ones.
If anyone decides to complete my challenge, I would love to hear about the
results. So leave a comment or email me at email@example.com and
let me know how it worked for you.
And just like that, I’ve come crashing right back down to earth – quite literally in fact. I tried not to be too over the top as I celebrated my good fortune in my last post but the universe noticed anyway. Literally the next morning I suffered a severe ankle sprain in a basketball game and I’ll likely be on crutches for at least a month or two. That’s the way life goes sometimes. I’ve found that particularly if you haven’t faced any difficult situations recently, you can expect that to change before too long. And no amount of money will exempt you.
I get frustrated with these situations like anyone else.
Crutches certainly aren’t very convenient for a guy who spends a lot of his
time driving around; and neither is a painful right ankle the size of a
softball for that matter! But life isn’t any more willing to take a break for
me than it is for anyone else. So I’m driving very gingerly and maintaining a
much longer following distance than usual. And yes, I’d be lying if I said I
didn’t have a few choice words for the couple of folks who forced me to slam on
my brakes today in spite of my efforts to avoid having to. To be fair, they
weren’t singling me out; they’re just as reckless and negligent around the vast
majority of people on the road whose ankles are healthy. But this post isn’t
about the horrible drivers in this town so I digress.
When I’m forced to deal with a situation like this, I try to
focus on being thankful for things I normally take for granted. For example,
it’s awfully nice to be able to walk to my car without crutches and carry items
in my hands instead of in the backpack I’m using now. It’s a privilege to be
able to seek out extra exercise through the course of a day rather than having
to avoid it. I know these things every day but today, they’re right in my face
to the point where I have no way to ignore them. Normally it’s fun to be able
to play a round of golf or even a game of pool but today any attempt at either
would be painful and futile. All day, I’ve been mentally adding things I would
never give a second thought to otherwise to this list and although I’m annoyed
that I can’t do them right now, I’m doing my best to look on the bright side.
After all, there are people who will never walk again – not
even with crutches. Hell, there are people who have never walked at all and
never will. This experience gives me a window into the perspective of someone
living that kind of life. I will be fully functional again before too long but
hopefully I will have this in the back of my mind the next time I see someone
who isn’t and have more empathy than I did before. This isn’t my first time
living the temporary crutch life. But I’m older and wiser than I was last time
so I believe I will learn my lessons more effectively than ever before. If I’m
able to look at this experience with the right attitude at least part of the
time, it can be an excellent opportunity to improve myself.
And that is the case with every challenge you face in life.
Every single one. My divorce was far and away the most difficult one I’ve faced
so far. But I’ve easily grown more as a person in the years since it happened
than I had in the entirety of my life leading up to that point. I understand
myself, others, and life itself much better than I ever could have before I
went through that. I still remember a guy from high school who had been
paralyzed from the waist down, was confined to a wheelchair, and even with his
hands had only limited motor function. But I don’t remember him for any of
that; I remember him because he was simply phenomenal. He couldn’t change his
past or even a lot of his present but he was absolutely determined to make the
most of what he did have control over and it came out in a seemingly
unstoppable positive energy that immediately lit up any room he entered. At that
age I barely understood what I was looking at in him but he had taken an
incredibly unfair event in his life and used it to turn himself into someone
truly awe inspiring. Most of us will never have that caliber of bad luck but
all of us will have some and we would do very well to handle our situations with
the attitude he handled his.
We all know a perpetual victim. Something is always
happening TO him or every time you talk to her, she has something to complain about.
Those people are never going to grow unless something wakes them up. I know
because for many years, I was one of them. Your life literally IS all of the
things that happen to and around you, whether good, bad, or anywhere in
between. Eat and drink the joy of the good moments with all your heart but when
the bad ones come, those are the opportunities. If you take advantage of them,
you will turn even the bad moments into more good ones and yourself into a
better, stronger, more capable person. If you add it all up, it equals a better
and more significant life. It isn’t easy. But what worthwhile thing is?
Today was a very big day for me. This morning I was informed that I recently achieved one of the sought after milestones of people in my line of work: a five figure payday from a single deal! So I’ve been enjoying the hell out of my moment all day and now I want to reflect a little bit, both to mark this for myself and to hopefully inspire someone else to keep fighting the good fight even when it doesn’t feel like it’s accomplishing anything.
First and foremost, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Only a
few years ago, I was working a salaried office job where I didn’t get any
bonuses at all. If that version of me could see me today, I don’t know if he
would believe it. It was just impossible to see even the possibility of a day
like this from where I was at that time. A very small portion of the population
knows what it’s like to be able to make this much money this quickly – probably
a single digit percentage. It is an incredible privilege to be among them and
even more so given that this isn’t even a terribly unusual occurrence in my
Of course I have worked very hard to get here. This
particular deal took weeks of back and forth and culminated in a whirlwind trip
that included a flight to Memphis, driving halfway across the state to Jackson
and back, and another flight to Chicago, all in about a twenty four hour
period. And of course I have also had some good breaks. Those do typically come
to capable people who work hard. But I also got plenty of help from some
incredible people. One woman was willing to go to bat for me with a good friend
of hers (now a good friend of mine) who happened to be a superstar with my
current employer before I even knew the company existed. My manager treats me
very well, works his ass off every day, and does an amazing job making
everything I do possible behind the scenes. Most of my fellow sales reps have
been welcoming and helpful but a few have treated me like family and provided
endless mentoring, advice, insight, and support all along the difficult journey
from brand new, first time sales rep to whatever it is that I am today.
Obviously my life isn’t perfect and neither is my employer. But I have gotten
better and better at focusing on the positive side of things and the results
have been wonderful. I couldn’t be more thankful for the many people who have contributed
to my ongoing success and I will be lucky to pay it all forward if I live to be
Gratitude is obvious on a day like this. And of course part
of me is incredibly excited. But I also surprised myself. Part of me just kind
of shrugged this whole thing off. How does that make sense when I’ve been
pursuing this day for almost three years? I think this is where the “it’s the
journey, not the destination” quote comes in. Sure, longing for this
“destination” has fueled a lot of my activities for a long time. But somewhere
along the line, it became about something else. As I started to succeed with
deals that led to big paydays, of course I was happy about the money. But I
noticed that I derived more satisfaction from the personal growth that had
allowed me to make it. These deals were the kinds of opportunities I had failed
to convert on or possibly not even noticed at all just a year or two prior. I
don’t think there is any feeling in life quite like the one you get when you
realize you can do something now that you couldn’t before.
And today is similar. Yes, I scored a big one. But there is a very good chance I will do it again this year and possibly more than once. I have a handful of deals nearly as big in the works as I type this. I probably won’t close every one. But I will almost definitely close some of them. The incredibly fortunate reality is that I am on a relatively lucrative career path and am at the point where things are starting to go my way more consistently. The excitement I feel over this win comes from viewing it through the window of my past whereas the feelings of pride, contentment, and joy are from where I sit today.This can be an amazing life if you work hard and position yourself in such a way that it is likely to pay off. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t gotten myself a good education or taken advantage of the opportunities in the not so great jobs I had before this one. There were plenty of days when I felt like I wasn’t making any progress and sometimes I didn’t want to go to work at all but I did it anyway and did my best to learn more than my job required and go above and beyond in any way I could. I also wouldn’t be enjoying my current success if I hadn’t worked hard resiliently in this job. For every day like this one, there were probably a few dozen where I struggled mightily and didn’t come away with a win at all much less a big one like this. Even today, while basking in the glow of my good fortune, I was hung up on while making some cold calls. Life never stops being difficult but if you do the right things consistently, your capabilities will never stop increasing either and you will win more and more often. When I started this job, being hung up on would have bothered me. Today I simply shrugged and moved on to the next name on the list. That change didn’t happen by itself and it wasn’t easy. But if I hadn’t done everything it took to make it happen, today would never have happened either.
That’s all for now. Have a wonderful night, sleep well, and
go out and be the best possible version of yourself tomorrow! You never know
what might happen if you do.
It’s 2am and in spite of the very comfortable bed in my hotel room, I woke up and can’t get back to sleep. Insomnia is nothing new to me but it is unusual lately which has been a wonderful improvement. But the cause is even more unusual. I can’t seem to stop my mind from racing out of sheer joyful awe. This is going to get pretty personal so if you don’t want to humanize me, stop reading right now.
The last few years have been a whirlwind for me. In 2016, my
marriage fell apart in catastrophic, but sadly fairly typical fashion. I lost
most of what I loved and cared about in life. For at least a year after, I went
through a tunnel of depression, terrible decisions, and little noticeable
improvement. Not only had I lost my wife, I had also made a major job change
soon after. It was a dramatic step up in both challenge and compensation but at
a time when my personal stakes were already very elevated and my mental state
was volatile at best. I had lost almost any sense of security exactly when I
needed it most. Of course security is mostly an illusion so I wasn’t really any
worse off. But it certainly felt that way and I nearly broke on numerous
And the situation got worse before it got better. One
enterprising soul used my weakened emotional state as an opportunity to
manipulate and take advantage of me for personal gain. I’ve forgiven this
person but also discontinued any form of relationship as I believe any prudent
person would have. I am not mentioning this to disparage anyone, but simply to
illustrate my story more effectively. Anyway, it sounds strange but this
sequence of events seemed to hammer home lessons I somehow hadn’t fully learned
from the divorce. This was all very painful at the time but I certainly wouldn’t
want to give any of it back now as the incredible value of the experience is
mine for the rest of my life. Today I probably err on the side of being too
guarded but at the advantage of being much less likely to be an emotional plaything
for anyone. Most importantly, I got through it all. And two primary factors
allowed me to do it.
First, I had some amazing people in my corner. They are all
flawed human beings like anyone else but they were instrumental to my recovery.
So much love flowed from this group. I don’t come from a warm family of people
and that’s nothing against any of them, it’s just the way they are. But for
that reason, this overwhelming outpouring of nearly unconditional love was like
nothing I had ever known before. It came from a variety of sources including
people I hadn’t even known long and it was exactly what I needed to remind me
that the person in the previous paragraph was the exception and not the rule.
Second, I took responsibility for my own health and success.
The pity party had to end for a full recovery to be possible and it had only
continued so long because I had developed the bad habit of leaning on people’s sympathy.
Consequently, this is exactly how I had become an easy mark for someone
masquerading as a sympathetic figure. Fully embracing this new total
responsibility to myself was a crucial turning point. Ever since then, my
mental health and stability have been reaching new heights on a regular basis
and I have even been able to pay forward some of the support I received.
This brings me back to my insomnia. Where am I today that
such a rush of positive sentiment is keeping me awake? Right now I’m on a short
business trip. I’ve been accomplishing all my big picture goals one way or
another but I’m also taking a little time tomorrow (ok, today now) to tour a
historic mansion. I expect I will love it and go home richer for the experience
in a way money can’t buy. I’m also eating delicious food, getting decent road
workouts in, and generally enjoying myself in the process of this trip. When I
go home, I will enjoy a weekend full of great football (that is as long as the
Seahawks and the Texans win, fingers crossed) and spending some time with great
friends. A somewhat disappointing December on the business side has turned into
a January that is suddenly on the brink of success early on. Overall, I don’t believe
I have ever been this happy.
I’m not a religious man but I can’t help but notice the
parallels with the old testament story of Job. I lost everything not long ago
but I have gained back much more than I had in the first place. I thought I was
happy but it turns out I didn’t even have a clue what happiness could be. Life
has a way of clearing out what doesn’t belong to make room for what does. It
certainly didn’t feel that way at the time but that is exactly what happened
for me. I decided to take a little break from my tossing and turning to attempt
to record the genuine euphoria of this moment. I don’t know if I will ever be
this happy again but I do know I’m going to make the most of it while I can. Be
well, folks. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some sleep now.
Update: I was not able to. But I got through the day and
managed to be creative and patient enough to overcome a big setback to salvage
half of a profitable deal against fairly long odds.