Happy Monday, everyone! Here is the latest post in my Annual Expenses series. If you didn’t see the introduction post that summarizes all of my expenses, you can check it out here. I’ve been going into detail on one category each Monday. Over 2017 and 2018, I spent an average of $2100 on fun activities. This is really a category I could cut down as much as necessary if I had to. Like most of my spending categories, I don’t have a particular target in mind; I simply make sure that if I’m spending money on something, there is a good reason.
This category includes most of what I spend on dating. And the reason I’m able to spend so little in that normally very expensive area is that over the years, I’ve learned that trying to impress women by spending money has consistently gotten me exactly the opposite of the outcome I was looking for. Yes, I should have known this long before I did, but I had that same single mother upbringing that has proven so disastrous to a huge portion of my generation and it has taken a ton of constant, ongoing work to deprogram the many erroneous lessons I didn’t even realize I was learning over the years. I’m not trying to disparage the efforts of my mother or any other single mother, many of which are nothing short of Herculean. However, from my own life and from observing our society at large, it appears painfully obvious to me that a boy needs a strong, consistent father figure in his life and if there isn’t one, he is likely to make more than a few missteps in the process of figuring things out on his own. But that topic could be an entire series of posts all by itself. For now, I’ll just say that trying to buy your way into a woman’s heart (or into any other part of her) is not an effective method.
Anyway, if I want to have fun, I have fun. But here is the important point. In my life, almost everything has a purpose. So with the free time I have available, I want to enjoy myself but I also want to better myself in at least some way in the process. For example, a lot of my “fun” activities are physical activities like weight lifting, tennis, basketball, swimming, hiking, etc. Most of these benefit my health and fitness level, benefit my mind as I improve a skill set, and also happen to cost me little or no money. I also enjoy reading, cooking, volunteering, and learning to fix things like cars, electronics, plumbing, and so forth. I’ve found that personal growth is what makes me happy and thus, I tend to have fun while learning and increasing my capabilities in various areas. In general, if you can find ways to enjoy yourself while also creating value, you will be able to have fun without spending much money.
Even most social interaction doesn’t have to be expensive. Sure, I go out for drinks, to museums, and various other attractions like most people do. But those tend to be more special occasion activities and with most of my friends, our most common activities are hanging out, grilling, going to the beach, playing some pool, etc. We will occasionally have a roller coaster day that will cost us each a hundred bucks or so or go to a football game and drop more than that. But these are every now and again type activities and as a result, they are special treats when we do them. Contrast that with the people who spray money like a fire hose everywhere they go and then go home to worry about how they’re going to pay their bills. Are they having any more fun than my friends and I are? I doubt it. Spending money can be required for particular activities, but it isn’t required for meaningful interaction. It’s all about deciding what is really important to you – the activity itself or the people you’re doing it with. If you have the right people involved, it really doesn’t matter what the activity is.
It’s important to have fun in your life. That I will not dispute. But spending a lot of money usually isn’t what gets you there. It’s all about figuring out what you truly enjoy and making that the focus. And if your focus is on spending money, you’re going to live a very stressful life because you can outspend absolutely any income. In my experience, stress is pretty near the opposite of fun.